What does it all really mean?

I remember the few precious moments I had with you when we sat down really tried to figure out the meaning of life. Its hard to believe that what started out as a joke between good friends became one of the most frustrating questions that dances on my mind every single day. It was only when you passed that I truly appreciated the gravity of how hard life can really be, and how many it is so cruel to. But it also helps me to be thankful for what I have been born with, the good people I have been surrounded with; something you somehow understood better than anyone even at the tender age of 21. So many people that grow old don't even get close to the level of understanding that you somehow had so young. The only comfort that I've had since you passed is that you know finally know what it all means. The truth has been revealed to you and sometimes I don't know if I'm envious that you already know or just terrified to death that I'm eventually going to find out. It's so frustrating how random and cruel meaningless life can be and it only gets stranger as it goes on. I'll never understand it for all the time I have on this Earth; but you also taught me the preciousness of life and in the end thats the biggest lesson above all. I'm trying so hard for you everyday. I love you Emily. Miss you to death girl...

Tron, forever and always :)